The Expulsion From Paradise, by Charles Joseph Natoire (1740)

King James Bible, Genesis (First Book of Moses), Chapter 3

Summary

The subtile serpent persuades Adam’s [yet unnamed] woman to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge, saying that her eyes would be opened and that she would be as a god, knowing good and evil. The woman sees that the fruit looks pleasant and she eats and gives some to Adam, who eats as well. The couple’s eyes are opened, and they suddenly realize they are naked; they fashion aprons for themselves. God notices the clothes and finds out all about their disobedience. He curses the serpent to crawl on his belly and eat dust for the rest of his life, as well as causing eternal enmity between mankind and serpentkind. God tells the woman that she shall bring forth children with sorrow, that her desire shall be to her husband, and that he shall rule over her. God tells Adam that the ground shall be cursed, that he will sweat and toil in sorrow for his bread, and that he shall return to dust (i.e. die) when his life is over. Adam calls the woman “Eve”. The Lord gives them clothes, notes that the man has become as one of “us”, and that to prevent him from eating from the tree of life and living forever, Adam is hereby banished from Eden.

General Thoughts & Impressions

The honeymoon sure passed quickly, didn’t it? Eve was created at the end of Genesis 2, and she’s being tempted by the serpent in the very first line of Genesis 3. Would it have killed Moses (my stand-in for whoever the real authors were) to show at least a few happy Eden scenes, with prancing ponies and rose petal hot springs? For all we know, Adam & Eve were bored out of their skulls, which led Eve to start chatting up any random snake wandering by; she just wanted a friend whose rib she wasn’t made from. Perhaps Moses is trying to emphasize that even at the very beginning, humans have always wanted what they can’t have.

I will give credit to Moses for presenting a reasonably plausible temptation for Eve:

4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6 And when the woman saw that the tree [was] good for food, and that it [was] pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make [one] wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

The serpent confirms that this was the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and adds eating the fruit will make you god-like and won’t result in death. Eve was quite possibly born yesterday, and she just got a great excuse to do what she already wanted to do. Could God have made that blasted tree any more maddeningly mysterious? Ho ho ho, don’t you dare eat that magical fruit of mystery, it’s too cool for you! Eve’s a newbie at life, and that’s just cruel. Adam, meanwhile, faces the first test of peer pressure ever and fails miserably. Why Moses chose to omit the fatal conversation that persuaded Adam is a mystery…

Oddly enough, it’s quite possible the serpent never told a single lie. He told Eve that she would not die, and indeed, they were just banished from Eden, not killed. The serpent said that her “eyes shall be opened”, and lo’ and behold:

7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they [were] naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

Another promise delivered by our slithery friend! Finally, the serpent said they would be “as gods, knowing good and evil.” Well, the Lord God Himself says later in the chapter:

22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

So, at least according to God, Adam and Eve did become as gods in some respect, knowing about good and evil. Serpent is three for three! With the right lawyer, I’m sure the serpent could have sued Eve or God or somebody for slander.

Since such a big deal was made, it’s incredible that after Adam’s and Eve’s eyes “were opened”, the only revelation it seemed to give them was the knowledge that they were naked, and the shame that comes with it. Could this really be the sum total of the “knowledge of good and evil”? Did they really trade away eternal paradise for the ability to be ashamed of their bodies? If so, this was perhaps the worst exchange in the history of mankind; Napoleon, you’re off the hook.

God’s reaction to the disobedience is, of course, necessary for the rest of the Bible (and human history) to exist. First he punishes the serpent, though as we’ve seen, the serpent didn’t really lie. He did encourage the somewhat dimwitted humans to break God’s command, but personally I think he just gave off major asshole vibes.

14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou [art] cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

For leading mankind astray, the serpent adopts a sexy slither and becomes a target for man’s vengeful foot stompings; it was nice of God to at least let him get some heel-bruising licks in. I’ll give God points for creativity here; the locomotive penalty is akin to turning one human leg into a tire. Also note that God is encouraging mankind to hold an eternal species grudge.

Eve’s punishment is all about pain and submission.

16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

I assume by “sorrow”, the Lord meant making childbirth hurt like hell and possibly lead to death. I’m sure the mothers of the world would like to give Eve a hearty slap for that one. The “desire to thy husband” sounds like Eve’s wishes are to play second fiddle to Adam’s; in any case, she now has a divinely-ordained dominant husband. I can see a twisted sense of logic here, as she’s the one who initially agreed to eat the fruit, casting doubt on her sense of judgment. However, Adam, in letting himself get persuaded by her, doesn’t exactly show himself to be CEO material, either. Despite their being about equally idiotic, Eve really got the worse end of the deal, as Adam’s punishment will inevitably apply to her, as well!

As for Adam, he wins the prizes of toiling and mortality.

17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life;
18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou [art], and unto dust shalt thou return.

God has decided to spoil the ground and make Adam work for his bread. This also makes a bit of sense; Adam was living the Eden High Life but still couldn’t resist the one thing he couldn’t have. Perhaps a little backbreaking labor for scraps of moldy bread would cause him to appreciate what he had. On top of that, God curses Adam with mortality, the original death sentence. Though at this point, future life seems so bleak and dreary that Adam could secretly be glad of his upcoming return to dusthood.

Did Adam and Eve succeed in becoming like gods?

22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

This all hinges on what is probably a translation issue: namely, what it means to “become as one of us”. Who is us? I imagine God cavorting around with Zeus and Hera and bemoaning their disappointing subjects while playing darts on Mount Olympus. Or perhaps He is using the royal “we” and talking to Himself. What did Adam and Eve actually accomplish, aside from now being ashamed of nudity? It’s bewildering, as Adam and Eve have not shown the slightest hint of improvement in their knowledge or abilities since eating the fruit. What kind of lame god-like beings are they? Since when is shame a god-power?

One thought that hurts my head: if Adam and Eve now know about good and evil, that means they didn’t before; without this knowledge, how could they have known that eating the fruit was wrong? They needed to have eaten the fruit to have the wisdom not to eat the fruit! And God chuckles at the creation of his first catch-22…

Morality

What happened to the One Strike & You’re Dead policy? Well, the Lord never said it would be an immediate death, so I guess He kept his word. It’s definitely One Strike & You’re Out, at the very least. He doesn’t strike me as being particularly merciful, though I suppose His not killing them outright and giving them a shot at life outside of Eden (albeit filled with hardship) may count. And of course, this:

21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

Awwww… He’s condemning them to a life of misery, but He doesn’t want them to catch a cold. Reminds me of a mother who gives her naughty son a hug and then spanks his bottom redder than a cherry. God comes off as a ridiculously strict Father, but He does seem to care.

God’s sentencing Adam and Eve to pain and hardship; is this simply a punishment, or also a character-building exercise? An All-Mighty Creator should have had the ability to program perfect little sentient creatures, but instead He created disobedient human beings. Perhaps He wanted to shape his creations through a convoluted set of harsh lessons and trials, the first of which was the forbidden fruit in Eden. It almost seems like He’s playing with lab rats in a psych experiment, which seems to be as good a reason as any for why He chose to give us free will and the ability to fuck up our lives.

God’s punishment of the serpent is revealing. The serpent doesn’t do anything wrong himself; he just convinces others to, but as we find out, this is just as bad. In God’s moral system, tricksy manipulators are scum, as well. No argument here.

As mentioned previously, Eve’s punishment not only includes pain, but the role of being “ruled over” by Adam- in essence, to be his bitch. As a curious Martian observer, for this rule to extend to all women thereafter would be hilariously unfair; why should they all suffer for Eve’s screw-up? For that matter, why should all men be forced to eat and toil “in sorrow” for Adam’s mistake? To be fair, God is only speaking directly to Adam and Eve here, and doesn’t make it clear whether or not all male and female descendants would be screwed over as well. However, as we all know, nobody else is ever allowed back in to Eden, so it sure looks like God has made the rest of us pay for the first couple’s sins. What a bastard.

Potential Controversy

This chapter reads like the birthplace of misogyny. Adam blames Eve for the fall:

12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

How noble. And of course, God makes Eve into Adam’s bitch as punishment. And generations of women throughout the millenia wept.

In A Nutshell

Short Summary: Adam & Eve eat the forbidden fruit, provoking the Lord God to condemn humanity to a hard, mortal life outside paradise.
Morality Condensed: Feel pain, toil, and eventually die as punishment for the original sin. Manipulators suck. Never stop crushing serpent. Eve, you’re Adam’s bitch.
The Read: Elaborate on the important details, please!
Sketchiness: Forbidden fruit comes across as a giant Macguffin.
Last Word: Knowledge is shame.
Conversion Meter: Subtract: 4 | New total: -1