Pages from a Koran in Chinese Arabic script (undated, probably 18th century)

The Holy Qur’an, Sura 1 – Al-Faatiha (The Opening)

The Holy Qur’an translated by: Abdullah Yusuf Ali

Full Text (it’s a tiny sura)

[1:1] In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
[1:2] Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;
[1:3] Most Gracious, Most Merciful;
[1:4] Master of the Day of Judgment.
[1:5] Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.
[1:6] Show us the straight way,
[1:7] The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

General Thoughts & Impressions

It was really kind of Mohammed’s followers to include such a concise, to-the-point introduction of Islam right here at the beginning of the Koran. While the Bible’s opening chapter takes its time telling grand stories about the creation of the universe, al-Faatiha wastes no time in getting right down to the nitty-gritty. If the two books’ openers were competing business plans, the Koran would acquire the Bible in a hostile takeover within a week.

Immediately we’re told that this work is being written in the name of Allah; this doesn’t really mean much, as I could say I’m whacking off to Hillary Clinton in the name of Allah, too. We also get a description of Allah (He’s gracious and merciful) as well as what He does (He cherishes and sustains worlds and is master of the Day of Judgment). Note that Allah isn’t credited here with creating the worlds, merely cherishing and sustaining them. I quite like the shout-out to the less sexy task of maintenance; we all hear about the guy who created the Guggenheim, but less about the folks who sweep its floors and keep the pipes from bursting. If I were a janitor or a house cleaner, I would definitely double this sura’s conversion points for that.

I wonder what “Master of the Day of Judgment” means. What happens if Allah judges us guilty? Will he unleashe Terminator? Is He Skynet?

The next two lines are pretty efficient, telling us who we worship (Allah, duh) and what we want from Him (aid and to be shown the “straight way”). The final line distinguishes between Allah’s favored and those who have gone “astray” and earned his “wrath”. In short, the outline of a religious faith is all laid out. We have the diety, His description, our prescribed role, and a hint of the consequence of failure (i.e. a wrathful judgment). Elegant.

But not perfect. I know that the Koran is considered a work of poetry, but repeating “Most Gracious, Most Merciful” two lines apart makes you sound like a major kiss-ass. Take out 1:3 and the work doesn’t suffer one bit. Perhaps they desperately wanted to emphasize His graciousness and mercy above all else; if that’s the case, Allah had better be really honkin’ gracious and merciful in future suras, or I’m calling foul.

Morality

The main prescriptions in this short opener are to praise Allah, to worship Him, to seek His aid, and to let Him show us the “straight way”. Something I’ve never understood about various religious deities (especially those of Abrahamic religions) is this strange need to be praised and worshipped. Why does Allah care whether or not I praise His name? Narcissism more suits the quarreling gods of the Greek or Roman pantheon, not the all-powerful, super-deity Allah. To be fair, al-Faatiha’s “Praise be to Allah” could be more of an exhortation by Mohammed (or his scribes) and not a direct command from Allah, who could very well be blushing furiously from all these compliments.

The bits about seeking Allah’s aid and direction are standard requests of a god; how Allah responds is what really matters. From an outsider Martian’s point of view, wait-and-see seems the best approach for now.

Potential Controversy

I can’t seem to conjure up anything remotely controversial in these seven lines. Al-Qur’an, it’s your lucky day.

In A Nutshell

Short Summary: We must worship the gracious and merciful Allah and seek His guidance.
Morality Condensed: Praise Allah. Ask Him for help and advice. If you go astray, eat wrath.
The Read: Wonderfully concise.
Sketchiness: People who need to be praised constantly generally have low self-esteem.
Last Word: Allah has a lot to live up to.
Conversion Meter: Add: 6 | New total: +6